Monday, February 28, 2011

I'd Like to Thank the Academy...

...for feeding my Fashion addiction. Awards season is like porn for women. No diggity, no doubt. So I must start with my absolute-favorite-knocked-it-outta-the-park-girlfriend-SHUT-IT-DOWN look of the weekend. Drum roll don't have to look any further than my last blog post to know to whom this belongs.

Mila Kunis. Perfection in every way. The color, the neckline, the detail, the make up. I am not generally a fan of Elie Saab's gowns. At all. Too Halle Berry for my liking. But this one made my jaw detach and absolutely drop to the floor when I saw her get out of her limo. No one even came close.

And before the claws come out (aka the fun part), here are some more of my faves:

Jennifer Lawrence played it very safe it in her first Oscars appearance in a very understated Calvin Klein number. But it fit like a glove and she looked flawless.

Mandy Moore looking like quite the lady! She loves herself some Monique and I don't blame her!

I can't think of a better way to say "FUCK YOU, Jesse James" than the way Sandy looked last night. Besides, tattoos don't go with couture.

I know she was just a plus one but she looked a helluva lot better than a lot of the nominees/presenters. Matty Mc's baby momma Camila Alves...

Another Oscars date who stole the show was Busy Phillips. WOW. Girl crush. Love that Michelle takes her as her plus one to everything. Love her, love the dress, love the hair. But if I were Michelle, I would maybe tell my date to not look better than me, you know because of the whole being nominated thing, her night to shine, blah blah blah.

And Dame Hellen Mirren? Lady knows how to DRESS! Paging Diane Keaton and Annette Benning! You two could take just ONE page out of Mirren's book and learn, oh, I don't to not look like a complete a-hole on the red carpet!

I was SO excited to see all of Annie's costume changes throughout the telecast and quickly realized that Rachel Zoe's growing baby bump must be throwing her off because when Anne arrived, she was dazzling but every outfit after that fell absolutely flat. I mean, I have things from H&M in my closet that would have served Annie better on that stage. Maybe Zoe only works well when she is malnourished? Regardless, she put her in one great dress that was stunnerballoons.

Celine "Excuse Me I Had Twins Three Months Ago" Dion looked pretty damn good as well.

Ya'll are probably going to disagree with me on this one. Plus she is wrinkled in this photo. I hated it at first but it grew on me a lot as the night went on. Melissa Leo's gold sequins hidden under large lace was an interesting choice and for some reason it worked for her. Didn't make her speech any less obnoxious but she looked good dropping those F-bombs!

Ok, now for the disasters of the evening. If you don't agree with me you're not allowed to shoot laser beams at me with your eyes. You're just not. That's why it's called an opinion. With that said, here we go.

J Hud. I have SO much to say about this. The color was great, the dress was great. Those are the only nice things I have to say. The hair was BEYOND TERRIBLE. Judy Jetson anyone? And her boobies looked like they were squeezed in a juicer then put in a Mammogram machine for 24 hours before she shimmied into that dress and tried to prop them up in there. And don't even ACT like you haven't had some sort of HELP with your AIR QUOTE Weight Watchers weight loss. Not buying it. Not for one second. You look like Star Jones, your head doesn't fit your body (which probably means that naturally your body isn't supposed to look like it does right now, DUH) and you look like you've been riding the cray-cray train. Mini lap band perhaps? Teeny tiny stomach stapling? Black market diet pills from Mexico? Cocaine? A little bit of each? It's really dishonest and misleading to those who are overweight in middle America who are hopping on the Weight Watchers bandwagon thinking that they will lose 80 lbs in a few months like you did. Just sayin'.

Barbie, meet Reese. Reese, meet Barbie. And that's not a compliment. Reese looks like she ripped off Barbie's throwback collector's edition dress and weave and put them right on herself. Next! Snooze-a-palooza!

Once again, Scarlett, this is NOT a good way to make your hot ex hus-b drool over what he had. Did you wake up an hour before you left the house? Your grandmother's doily does not a dress make.

Nicole Kidman. I shake my head at you. Looks like she bought this at Cache at the Mall of America in 2001.

Halle Berry, you put me to sleep. You wear the SAME dress to every single event. I am bored with you and think you need to do something to surprise us sometime soon. You look the same every single day. Red Carpet or not. Put a call in to Valentino or Monique and come up with a new flavor. Until then, I am off you!

Ok, this last one could have worked. It had potential to wow me. Amy Adams, you should have skipped that necklace and pulled your hair back and you just may have been at the top of this list. Instead you're down here. Womp, womp. Good dress, wrong on everything else.

To the ladies at the top, I tip my Louboutins to you. To the ladies below, let's chalk this up as a learning experience and strive to make the best dressed list next year! Onward and upward!


  1. I want you to write these things more often. More often, please, more often.

  2. Well that would mean more awards shows, so I'm in! The more red carpet in my life, the better.

  3. Yay Ingrid! Was soooo looking forward to the Oscar review blog!